NOT for the Weak-Stomachs...

Well, for those that have been asking, yes, I am having a bariatric surgery to lose weight.  And now I have a tentative date for the surgery...pending insurance approval and such.  October 12, Tuesday, is the day.  I have included a diagram of what I am getting done.  It's called the gastric sleeve.  They vertically sleeve your stomach to only hold 1.5 to 2 ounces of food and then REMOVE the remaining stomach.  This means the surgery is 100% NON-reversable. 

BEFORE PHOTO, exaggerated

I truly desire your prayers for me during this time.  The last time I remember weighing 151 lbs. was when I was in the FIFTH grade.  So, this is definitely going to be a BIG life change for me.  I am excited and scared all at the same time.  I can't wait to start a healthy life with my family.  I truly have a shot at RESOLVING my diabetes and high blood pressure altogether.  How awesome is that?!  And, don't worry.  I will keep you updated with before and after picture stories galore.

BEFORE PHOTO, somewhat normal

Thanks for reading.  Thanks for caring.  Thanks for praying.

Let ME Help...

You ever have one of THOSE days? You know, when nothing seems to go right? My daughter taught me a lesson today.

I know. Shocking.

I was watching her try to learn how to stack blocks. Simple enough for me. You put one on top the other; balance it; voilà! Done. Move on.

However, I watched her FREAK out in a whiny cry every time she couldn't get the balance part. I was so empathetic towards her.

I've been there.

Tried to figure out something new.

Can't. Do. It.

Paused.

Slowly lost my ever loving mind.

Threw whatever I was working on.

Cussed silently underneath my breath.

Then. Tried. Again.

I wonder how many times God is looking at my life and my tantrums.

I wonder how many times He's saying,

"it'd be so much easier if you'd let ME help."

Thanks, Cadee-Bug for a lesson that keeps me on my knees begging for help.

UN-authentic

when have you been gut level honest?

don't you just hate when someone says, "let's be gut level honest"...and then is only "skin level" honest?!
i do.  i need people to rebuke me.  to tell me truth.  and i value it a million times over if it's said in love.
just saying...
what are your thoughts?

Happy in Innocence

One of the greatest things about being a new mom is seeing life though our child's eyes. I love how Cadence 'discovers' her world. Just like this photo.
Now I could be embarrassed and never share this with the world. It is a private matter...however, the weirdest thing happened. When I saw her reach in the box to pull out the tampons, she didn't respond the same as me.
She is not aware of what she's holding. What purpose they serve. (Although, she does kind of look like she's trying to decide on super versus light absorbency).
She just found a box....that had something that she could dump out and put back in. She does this everyday with her blocks and legos. Why should this be different?
You and I both know why it's different. It wasn't intended to be a child's toy.
I know this sounds silly, bit it made me think:
"am I holding on to something that I don't know the full design, intent, and potential?
am I expecting most things in my life to be useful for only one purpose?"
Wow. I'm 31 and I've got some growing up to do. God help me.

Posted from Blogium for iPhone

What a Fat Girl Wants...

...surprisingly is not more food.  although, chuy's big as your face burritos and jack in the box tacos are awesome in their own right.  she wants what every other woman in the world wants.  to be loved.  to have a happy family.  to be good enough...

i have to ask myself...good enough for WHAT?  or is it WHO?

before you get hung up on whether it's right for me to refer to someone as fat, think deeper.
get hung up on why we crave so insatiably to be good...
and ever more disturbing...
good.  e. nuff.

any body else tired of trying so hard?  i want to be like my God...of which I am still learning of and knowing better each day.  but i want something more than just being good enough to impress Him.  the more i know of Him, He's not the kind that's impressed too easily or is looking to be.  as a matter of fact, He's the ONE who's trying to make the impression...

His HOLY impression on me.
so that i won't be straining for good enough...
but, that i'll be obtaining His good.